Jokes

Looking at Things Differently

Why do the gods stay up in heaven?
Because they are afraid of what they have created!

Dumb Mirror!
Two dumb guys came across a mirror one day.
Guy 1 looked in the mirror and said "I know that face but I can't quite put a name on it."
Guy 2 grabbed the mirror and said "You idiot, that's me!"

Police Story
A lady calls up the police department: Officer, there is a man exposing himself in the next building.
Dispatcher: OK, we'll be right over, lady.
(Five minutes later at her apartment.)
Officer: Which way, lady?
Lady: This way officer, he's still shamelessly baring himself.
Officer: Where is he, lady? I don't see any naked man.
Lady: Oh, you have to look through this telescope.'

Why are all those people running?
They are running a race to get a cup.
Who will get the cup?
The person who wins.
Then why are all the others running?!

First Day Coffee
Freddie was 18 years old, friendly and eager to do things right. Unfortunately, he wasn't especially bright. He had just started his first job, as a delivery boy and general go-fer at a furniture warehouse. His first task was to go out for coffee.
He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos. When the counterman finally noticed him, he held up the thermos.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" he said.
The counterman looked at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then finally said, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Good," Freddie said. "Give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."

My parents are both busy professional people and have trouble finding time for chores and home maintenance. On weekends they each make a list of things to be done. Father's list is never completely crossed off, but Mother's always is. Puzzled, I asked her how she manages that.
"Simple," she answered with a satisfied grin. "I do the chore first, and then I put it on the list and cross it off!"

An elderly lady, not quite up on the ins and outs of banks, was surprised to receive a notice demanding payment on her loan. She called the loan officer and said, "I can't return your money. I'm not finished with it yet."

While the stock market is at an all time high, the ups and downs frighten a lot of small investors like me. I went to my financial advisor at the bank and asked if he was worried. He replied that he slept like a baby.
I was amazed and asked, "Really ??? Even with all the fluctuations?"

He said, "Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours."