Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I'm a married woman. My problem is that my husband doesn't let me hang out with my friends. I had many close friends at university when I was single. But now I'm a laughing-stock because my husband doesn't like my lifestyle. He tortures me because of this. What should I do? Please help me.
Ill-fated

Dear Ill-fated,
Marriage is a complex institution which needs constant nurturing from both the wife and the husband. If there exists misunderstanding about some fundamental things such as freedom of making friends then I think there is trouble ahead. I did not understand what you meant by he "tortures" you. If he does indeed torture you as we understand the word then you need to take a very serious look at your relationship. Normally, such a situation arises when one person is overly jealous and possessive. However, most problems can be solved through good communication, given there is basic love and respect between the couple. You should therefore start to communicate effectively and make it very clear there are some fundamentals that you cannot compromise with and one of them is being able to make friends and spend some time with them. I know this will not be easy but sometimes one has to take a stand.

Dear Mita,
I have just given my HSC exams and should be preparing for my university admission tests. But I am not at all motivated. I have lost all self-confidence. I feel as if I won't get admission anywhere, whether I study or not. I don't even have a goal or aim. I have no daily routine and just waste time. I don't even eat or sleep regularly due to laziness. I feel like my life is going to be wasted. Please help me to prevent this.
Error T

Dear Error T,
If you were that unmotivated then you would not have written to me in the first place. This is just a phase and you should not be so concerned about it. All you need to do is tell yourself that this situation cannot be permitted any longer. Since you have identified the problems yourself, I am confident that you will be able to find a solution also. Moreover, life is long and you have many more miles to go, so don't lose heart because the best is yet to come.

Dear Mita,
I am a law student at Dhaka University. In order to be a good lawyer one must be an extrovert, but I am the complete opposite. While other students in my class can exchange their views easily, I can't, even though I know what to say. I have become very despondent because of this. What should I do?
Hesitant

Dear Hesitant,
You are just suffering from a temporary phase of lack of confidence. Some people have a problem of expressing themselves. However, this can be overcome through self confidence and belief in one's ability. You should not be shy or hesitate to make mistakes when you speak. Try putting forward your views even if it makes you nervous. Once you get positive feedback this will become easy. You need to be around friends, relatives and classmates who respect you. Slowly, as you gain self confidence, your speech ability will increase.