Jokes

Smarty Pants

Food for Thought
*Can you cry under water?
*How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
*If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
*Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
*Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
*Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
*Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
*How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
*Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
*If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
*Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
*Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
*Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway: "Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?" The President says: "You think we're stupid boy??? We made copies of all the receipts!!"

An old man lived alone in a village. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly, he received this reply, "For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the Money!" At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."

A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway: "Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?" The President says: "You think we're stupid boy??? We made copies of all the receipts!!"