Jokes

Choosing One's Words With Care

Last Request
Tragically, three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the gates of heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by the gatekeeper.
"When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" asks the gatekeeper.
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He's moving!"

New Son-In-Law
A rich businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.
"Welcome to the family," said the man. "I'm so happy, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."
The son-in-law interrupted. "Oh, um, I actually hate factories. Can't stand the noise."
The father-in-law said, "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."
"I hate office work, too" said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."
"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organisation, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"
"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

Standing In Lines
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. All the women may be excused for now."

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."