Jokes

A Woman's Point System

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system... Part 1

Simple Duties
You make the bed: +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows: 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets: -1
You leave the toilet seat up: -5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty: 0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex: -1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom: -2
You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5
You pummel it with a six iron: +10
It's her father: -10

Your Physique
You develop a noticeable potbelly: -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it: +10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts: -5

Finances
You spend a lot of money on something impractical: -5
Something she can't use: -10
Such as a motorized model airplane: -20
And she got a small appliance for her birthday: -40

Driving
You lost the directions on a trip: -4
You lost the directions and end up getting lost: -10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal: -25
You know them: -60

The Big Question
She asks, "Do I look fat?" -5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding: -10
You reply, "Where?" -35

Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression: 0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5
You listen for more than 30 min. without looking at the TV: +10
She realises this is because you've fallen asleep: -20

Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party: 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy: -2
Who is a woman: -4
And attractive: -8
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly: +1
When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you": +1

Friday Afternoon
You go to the shopping mall together: +3
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car: +4
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports zone: -2
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it: +3
You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional: 0
You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den: +15
Or refinishing the floors: +16
Or adding a second floor: +18
You visit her parents.....................0
You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3
And the television is off: -6

Source: Lotsofjokes.com

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