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     Volume 4 Issue 54 | July 15, 2005 |

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College Rules

Freshmen versus Seniors
Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.
Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut.
Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend.
Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if it's more than three blocks away.
Freshman: Memorises the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorises the professor's habits to get a good grade.
Freshman: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university.
Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually.
Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky and fed.
Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand.
Freshman: Lines up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first week.
Senior: Starts to think about buying textbooks in October... maybe.
Freshman: Is proud of his A+ on Calculus I midterm
Senior: Is proud of not quite failing his Complex Analysis midterm.
Freshman: Conscientiously completes all homework, including optional questions.
Senior: Homework? I knew I forgot to do something last night.
Freshman: Is excited about the world of possibilities that awaits him, the unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the chance to expand one's horizons and really make a contribution to society.
Senior: Is excited about new dryers in laundry room.
Freshman: Takes meticulous four-color notes in class.
Senior: Occasionally stays awake for all of class.

The universal grade change form
To: Professor _______________
From: ____________________

I think my grade in your course, ___, should be changed from ___ to ___ for the following reasons:
1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.
2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.
3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into:
*Medical School
*Graduate School
*Dental School
*The Mickey Mouse Club
*Tri County Tech
4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in ______.
5. I'll lose my scholarship.
6. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.
7. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.
8. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about general principles.
9. If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or at least cut my allowance.
10. I was unable to do well in this course because of the following illness:
*broken baby finger
*acute alcoholism
11. You told us to be creative but you didn't tell us exactly how you wanted that done.
12. I don't have a reason; I just want a higher grade.
13. My (dog, cat, gerbil) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my (book, notes, paper) for this course.
14. Other reason: __________________.


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