::: Star Weekend Magazine :::

Chintito

An Aid to Our Identity

Chintito

We can keep on blaming everyone else for our woes, which we habitually do. But it is time to put us under the microscope. And so here goes.
You know you are a Bangalee
*'star' singer when you have a perennial excuse of your cold-stricken broken voice, every time they ask you to sing for 'free', even if it be for charity
*architect when you prepare two sets of drawings for the same building one for RAJUK's approval and another for actual construction
*bureaucrat when you make a habit of sitting on a file although the government has given you a perfectly good chair, including a towel
*criminal when you can use political discrimination to escape the noose
*doctor when you examine more than twenty-five patients in one evening in your chamber, and you are not even their teacher
*driver when you honk, honk and honk even if those before you have nowhere else to go, honk
*engineer when you accept your profession to be synonymous to corruption, such as election engineering
*'foreigner' when you scold your bua in chost eengrezee, and thank God she does not understand. (Don't try same trick in Hindi for she is a great fan of Kahani Ghar Ghar Ka)
*garment factory owner when you regard the legitimate wage of workers as your profit
*lineman when you cut off a telephone connection because the user did not establish a line with you
*minister when you have learnt to say 'yes' to those above you and 'no' to those below
*MP when you start seeking nomination the day after the elections; for the next five years you try to earn what you lost ($$$), and in the process you lose what you earned in a lifetime
*new voter when you are not registered with the Election Commission
*pedestrian when you have to relieve yourself against a wall
*politician when you say something you don't believe in or don't say when you believe, even on nationally resolved issues; such as Bangabandhu being the Father of the Nation
*postman when you deliver a letter in person and wait, one hand scratching your head and the other doing likewise somewhere in the region of your buttock
*rickshaw-puller when you ask for two takas more knowing fully well that sir will certainly request a reduction
*rickshaw-rider when you must ask the puller to reduce the asked price by two takas
*school teacher when you tell your students that the lesson is too difficult to be taught in the classroom, and that all will be “made easy” if they visit your home; several of them together please
*shop-owner when the footpath in front of your shop is filled with your merchandise, and no one is allowed to park his car in your father's property in front of your shop
*sweetmeat vendor when you consider something three days old as 'fresh'
*taxpayer when you maintain two books
*trader when you raise the price of your goods as per the new taxes imposed although your import took place months before the increase in duty
*traffic policeman when you show off that 'red' means 'go' and 'green' means 'stop'
*voter when you are ignored for five years

You know you are a khaati Bangalee when you think someone else is to blame for all the above.
Happily though, you know you are a Bangalee Star WEEKEND MAGAZINE reader when you purchase The Daily Star only on Fridays.