They say when you're in love
you just know it but sometimes
you just need to be 100 percent
sure? Here are some definite
symptoms of the Love Bug.

1. Heartache akin to angina at the sight of object of desire or if the object says anything remotely unfavourable.

2. Sweaty palms, palpitation, uncharacteristic stammering and blurting out inanities. Nausea not uncommon.

3. Temporary blindness. Double chins are cute and cuddly; cellulite looks wholesome, baldness, a sign of wisdom. Do not worry, this is as stated, temporary. If relationship leads to marriage blindness will be reduced with each consecutive year.

4. Attention span when dealing with individuals other than object of desire is reduced to that of a goldfish, which is a few seconds. Best friends, family and even pets are unnoticed like they are part of the furniture.

5. Your cell phone becomes a body part that just won't get unstuck. It is also the most precious possession you have. You take three and a half hours to tell the significant other why you think he or she is so wonderful.

6. You constantly stumble and fumble in the presence of the loved one. Falling down the stairs, hitting one's knee against furniture, hitting the lamppost while looking at the loved one on the balcony, are common occurrences.

7. Hovering near the loved one, even if it means sitting at a restaurant a few blocks away from her house. At least you are breathing the same air.

8. When you are always on the lookout for dark, dubious places where the food is crappy but the lights are so dim you can't really tell what you're eating and frankly you don't care.

9. Pauper Syndrome. You are constantly broke buying presents you can't afford, for the object of desire. You borrow and steal just to get that latest mobile for her or that unbelievably musky cologne for him.

10. You just can't get enough of mushy films and are easily moved at every bit of soppy, sentimental dialogue.

11. All kinds of imagined symptoms. Feeling hot when it's cold and cold when it's hot, stomach cramps at the thought of seeing the person, mood fluctuations from extreme hyperactivity to ridiculous morbidity. All symptoms disappear at the sight of the object of affection.

12. A ludicrously sunny view of life (when they reciprocate interest that is) where muddy streets are surreal paintings and dingy snack bars, quite quaint.

13. You start regressing into childhood. Once a relationship has been established the two of you just cannot speak adult talk. It's always baby, baba, janu, jantu, pupi guchu, sonamoni and aiy and the exchanges are similar to those of teething infants.

14. You begin to appreciate the beauty of offers from cell phone companies that let you talk all night for free or at low rates.

15. You start smelling better with all the deodorants, colognes, body sprays and in some cases soap you have invested in. Bathing is also more frequent.

16. You start saving every little scrap associated with the loved one. Your 'secret treasure' includes the most unlikeliest of things the paper napkin he left at the restaurant, a can of soda he gave you but you never even opened (even in seven months), a demolished Ceevit he lovingly gave you, a strand of split hair that had been caught behind those awful chairs with nails, that you carefully pulled out after she was gone, the dried up orange peel from the fruit she so delicately devoured sitting in the verandah…

17. Your friends say you are glowing but actually you have the goofiest expression on your face, much like a happy tail-wagging puppy.

18. You sit in front of a book but cannot read a word. Only one face appears in your mind. Usually the face is surrounded by bluish pinkish clouds and there is soft music wafting around.

19. You religiously check out your (and the loved one's) horoscope for the day and become obsessed with compatible and non-compatible star signs.

20. Jealousy takes on unprecedented heights. You start planning how to murder exes, how to mutilate present threats (real or imagined) and generally go to unbelievable lengths to eliminate all potential competition.

---SWM

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