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     Volume 4 Issue 29 | January 14, 2005 |

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am just 14. I am a simple girl with genuine feelings, studying in one of the best schools in Dhaka. Two years back, I became friends with a talented girl called S. She claimed that I was her best friend and that she trusted me. We shared our deepest secrets and problems. We also chatted over the phone. Recently, a guy whom we knew ( I thought he was my friend) proposed to S. She agreed and they were going out. As days passed she kept on telling me about the sweetest things that he talked about or did for her. This often impressed me and I really admired him. As days passed I realised that he was more than a friend to me and I loved him. I knew that this feeling of love for someone else's boyfriend was wrong. I forced myself to stop feeling that way but it was too late. I realised it was more than a teenage infatuation. Many people, including S, suspected me of liking her boyfriend. I decided to lie to her. But, at one point I felt extremely guilty about lying to such a true friend and decided to tell the truth. She was shocked but she pretended to understand me and my feelings for him. But secretly she hated me. One day I saw her true colours when she said that she hated me and that she had more important friends than me. Moreover, I thought that at least the guy was my friend but he called me his girlfriend's chamcha. S also told her boyfriend about my feelings for him. He got mad and said he would humiliate me in front of the whole class. I need S now but I have to face this coming humiliation all alone. Is it wrong of me to feel for someone in this way? Should I really be punished so brutally? I am extremely shocked and frustrated. What should I do? Please help.

Dear Betrayed,
There is no reason for you to be punished for anything. Your friends are being unkind and cruel and do not deserve to be your friends. You should start to avoid them right away and seek other friends who are more sympathetic. Your feelings for this boy is also a temporary phase and you will get over it once your realise what a waste of time this is. Believe me there are many others who will give you the respect you deserve, so do not punish and humiliate yourself in this manner. Get a hold of your feelings and put your dignity and self-respect above anything else.

Dear Mita,
I am in love with a classmate. Both our families know about it but are not accepting our relationship. Her father is a police officer and my family is business-oriented. We have both graduated and I work at a private company. She is the eldest daughter of her parents and is being pressurised to get married. She wants to come to me against her parents' will and I want her to as well. Have we made a bad decision? Our families will never accept it. Might her parents take any sort of police (or other) action? How can we avoid this? How can we make our families understand? If we do marry, we will have to leave both our families but we want peace. What should we do?

Dear DAS,
Both of you are adults and capable, both legally and morally of taking decisions regarding your life. If you are convinced of your feelings for each other then go for it. In most cases parents relent and compromise as they do not want to lose their children. However, you must make every effort to bring them to your side. Discuss with them the reasons for their objections and try to address them. Please know that parents want your best though they do not always see it from the side of their children. Regarding police interference, I doubt that this will go to that extent. However, it may be advisable to talk to a lawyer before you take any action.

Dear Mita,
My IELTS score is bad because I'm weak at listening. I'm trying to go abroad for my higher education but I need to improve my listening skills. I will be going to the British High Commission soon so could you please give me some tips?

Dear S,
I am sorry but I do not have any expertise in this subject. The only thing I can suggest is you must demonstrate confidence at the interview. It does not matter if your English is not perfect. What they want to know is if you are capable of conducting your self effectively in their country. As long as you can convince them of this your weak listening skills will not be a problem.

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