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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
My friend is 26. She will soon start her Master's at a leading private university. She comes from a well-off family. She has been in a relationship with a 27-year-old man for two years. He is about to compete his MBA. My friend wants to marry him but is confused. She says that for the past few months he has been misbehaving with her, verbally abuses her and does not trust her. She also says that he gets fierce when he gets angry. He cannot control his anger. His family background is not that great. His elder brother is a drug addict, his sister is not yet married and his parents give little importance to their children. In fact, she says that it may be possible that they make money through illegal means. Should my friend marry this guy?
Worried Friend

Dear Worried Friend,
To be honest, I don't think she should marry him. The most important consideration being is that he does not respect her, a prime condition for spending a lifetime together. If he misbehaves with her now, verbally abuses her and does not trust her then imagine what it will be like when he marries her and have more control over her. The other reasons are important because in our culture family plays an important role in a marriage, however, I do not see those as the primary problems. If two people love and respect each other than all kinds of family complications can be overcome. Please advise your friend to think about this very quickly before taking the decision.

Dear Mita,
I have a 21-year-old son. He is very rude. When he was a teenager I thought it was the age, but now I see that his bad behaviour is continuing into adulthood. My 15-year-old daughter is quiet and keeps to herself, but she might very well learn from her brother. Frankly, I don't know how to control him. He talks back whenever I try to correct him and recently I am afraid of him making some really rude comment which is why I hardly say anything anymore. But I know this behaviour must stop, for his own good. What can I do?
A Mother

Dear Mother,
You should have addressed this problem long ago, I am afraid it is a bit too late now. His behaviour could be a result of many factors during his childhood. Children getting too much attention or too little attention behave in negative ways. It is really tricky because I am sure you tried your best but unfortunately sometimes we tend to ignore a problem calling it childish behaviour until it becomes too late. The only thing you can now do is prevent your daughter from following him and try to make a friend or a relative who he trusts talk to him. He should understand this kind of behaviour will have a negative impact on his personal and professional life.

Dear Mita,
I am a 19-year-old woman. I just started university. To be honest, I have no high academic or career aspirations. I only go to university because I have to, because I am expected to, because I guess I need some sort of a basic degree. But I'm not interested in studying and I'm not interested in working afterwards either. I just want to get married when the time is right, have children and raise a family. Is this very wrong of me in this day and age? People get disappointed when they hear about my dreams, as if they are not good enough. But does everyone have to do something 'great' with their lives? Can't some people just focus on their families and keeping them happy and healthy? Do I really need to change the way I think?
A Different Sort of Dreamer

Dear Dreamer,
And how may I ask do you plan to full fill this little or different “dream” of yours? In order to get married, have children and making them happy you have to study, do well, and have a career. Doing well in professional life is not only about money. It is also about earning respect and prestige. Your family would also like to be proud of you. You are welcome to your dreams, just make sure that you don't get frustrated at the end of the day.