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    Volume 9 Issue 9 | February 26, 2010|

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past three years. I am 23 and he is 27. We're happy enough, and we plan to get married in a few years. The problem is, I don't know if this is actually the best relationship for me. I see couples in movies, and even around me, who seem all lovey-dovey and crazy about each other, as if they live for each other, and sometimes I wish I had that too. Both my boyfriend and I are very normal and somewhat practical people; we always have been, even just a few months into our relationship, after the initial butterflies in our stomachs flew off. Is this normal? Should I be feeling this less than thrilling uncertainty about my relationship? Or is it all wrong and should I actually be with someone who sweeps me off my feet like they do in the movies?
Regular Lover

Dear Regular,
There is something between being “swept off your feet” all the time and not feeling any butterfly anytime at seeing each other. Please don't discount the importance of romance in your life. It is actually the spark that prevents boredom and monotony in any relationship. There is a tendency to ignore or belittle that aspect, especially among young people who think they are very smart and modern.
But the truth is, without romance any relationship becomes a routine chore where boredom comes in and couples then try to find other distractions or attraction. The truth is, any relationship has to be nurtured and worked upon, a lifetime of happy conjugal life does not happen automatically, one has to make it happen. Romance and passion plays a very important part in this.

Dear Mita,
I am an 18-year-old student of Dhaka University. I have two sisters, both of whom are good students. We also have three stepbrothers, one a doctor, one a barrister. My mom was married to my dad at the age of 16 and had four children. She was raised by her grandmother and was not independent and so had to accept her fate. But my father and stepbrothers treat her like a domestic worker. My mom was not allowed to continue her studies or to pursue her career. She has to face physical and mental torture every now and then which affects us too. My father is completely biased towards his sons and does not treat us like his daughters. The mental torture has become so acute that one of my sisters had to be hospitalised as a mental patient and my elder sister attempted suicide. My brothers are even trying to take over the little wealth my mother has which she got as dower at the time of her marriage. Because of restricted finances, we are not being able to file a case against them. The situation is getting worse by the day and it's becoming impossible to live in the same house. What should we do?

Dear Sufferer,
This is a very serious situation. If all of you are adults above the age of 18 then tell your father and brothers that you will be forced to take legal action against them. They can be taken to court for physical and mental torture against your mother. Please take the help of legal experts such as women lawyers from Ain O Shalish or BNWLA. They might be able to help. You might also try talking to relatives who are sympathetic towards you and will talk to your father about the injustice he is doing. I am truly sorry but this is beyond me - as I said, you should take legal help.

Dear Mita,
I have been in a relationship for the last 11 years. She is a doctor and lives in Lebanon. We meet twice or thrice a year. Our relationship has been working well given the fact that we live in different continents. She is, however, Christian, which my family may not accept. Of late, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to accept the fact that she's never going to live in the country I love most. To make matters worse, I feel fatally attracted to someone I meet almost every day and for some unknown reason, I have grown this tendency to think that she also likes me. I feel sad and lost. Please help.
Caught in a Web

Dear Caught,
There cannot be anything in between in love. Either you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with that person or you don't. I think you are just making excuses and not wanting to admit that you no longer love the person you have had a relationship with for so long. It is best you reconcile this fact and start a life with your new love.

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