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     Volume 4 Issue 17 | October 15, 2004 |

   Cover Story
   News Notes
   A Roman Column
   Human Rights
   Straight Talk
   In Retrospect
   Time Out
   On Campus
   Slice of Life
   Book Review
   Dhaka Diary
   New Flicks
   Write to Mita

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Factually Speaking . . .

Put-downs Galore!
*Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
*Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
*A room temperature IQ.
*A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
*A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
*A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
*One-celled organisms out-score him in IQ tests.
*Donated his body to scientists... Before he was done using it.
*During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.
*Fell out of the family tree.
*Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
*Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
*He's so dense, light bends around him.
*If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
*If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
*If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.
*If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
*One neuron short of a synapse.
*Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
*Takes him an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes".
*Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
*Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.


A blind man walks into a department store with his guide dog on a leash. As usual, the store manager behind the customer service counter looks up, notices the customer is blind, and not wanting to stare quickly looks away again. Out of the corner of his eye the manager sees the blind man start swinging the dog over his head by its leash. Shocked, the manager runs over and says "Sir, is there a problem? Is there anything I can help you with?"
The blind man calmly replies "No, thanks -- I'm just looking around."


A linguistics professor was lecturing his class.
"In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language in which a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."


A man's house is on fire. No help is in sight so he takes matters into his own hands.
He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside.
Then he runs back in and gets his daughter and brings her outside.
Then his wife. Then the dog. Then the cat.
Then he goes back in "3 more times" without bringing out anybody or anything.
So a bystander is curious and asks him, "Why do you keep going back into your burning house and not coming out with anything?"
The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother in law."




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